Dare to Share Circle: Our Stories and Who We Are Beyond The Stories

Hello Friends and Beloved Journeyers in the Art of Life!

So many of us have been drawn to work with the alchemies offered here because we have a common connection. The friendships that have been forged here, by the sharing of our thoughts, ideas, fears, questions and experiences, are quite frankly, profound.  I know I have a group of friends where the love runs deep and where I am supported and not judged when I am wavering through whatever process I might be going through as I unravel the tangled threads.

It wasn't always like this for me. I spent much of my life with a loneliness that came from living a life without having a connection with like-mind people. I would read about people I felt connected with, or watch someone/something on YouTube that I felt a connection to, but it was as a disconnected watcher. There was no one-to-one connection. I even joined spiritual groups, but never really comfortable putting myself out there by coming forth, and when I did, I didn't feel like I was really being "seen".

For years I yearned to find my tribe of people to connect to on a "just as I am" basis. I desired to find my spiritual family, with whom I could be and communicate with on a level that was beyond what I had in my daily life of social, work and birth family. I needed to know that there were others on this earth that I could talk to about stuff that just wasn't well received or understood by most people I encountered.

It's like I had this amazing secret life that was, well, vibrating in a way that most people couldn't see, or even cared to know about! I NEEDED TO SHARE MY STORIES, I NEEDED TO SHARE WHO I AM BEYOND THE STORIES!

So about six years ago I set out on a journey to find my family. I moved to the desert, in the middle of vast emptiness and lived in my van and then in a tiny trailer. Strange to think that this is where I found my family, but I did!  Out there I magically met Dazey Ra'Kai, who introduced me to Jason. My life has never been the same since. Through "working" with Jason, the alchemies, and quite importantly the forums, I have met the most wonderful and dear people, who in the deepest sense of the meaning are true friends and my spiritual family. And a really fun bunch too!

At first, it took me a while to break out of my shyness and get the nerve to start posting on the forums. My typical behavior on websites that I am interested in, is to stay in the shadows. But you know, the pay-off for breaking out and coming forward is sooooo awesome!

So. Here we go. I dare you to share something about yourself.

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Cannabis really got me into themes, settings and beauty. The pain relief and sensual enhancement from it was also very nice, but kind of in the addiction not so good way. When I heard of cannabis concentrate and CBD and THC actually being able to heal stuff the feeling of being lied to by the Powers That Be really intensified. My step dad had cancer and I was determined to find something that could cure it Rick Simpson's oil, ten years ago I thought of mostly products. I was put onto The Secret and quantum mechanics around this time too. It felt like what was being covered up was that the government wants to keep people sick and stupid and blind to what the world and nature really has to offer. I remember this one instance I recited this prayer to Archangel Michael. I wound up in this Lightworkers forum on a conspiracy site and a guy named Joseph invited me to The Blue Emerald and that's how I found the alchemy, the end of my search for a panacea, simultaneously the end of my search for many things like financial security, abundance, health. I was so excited I drove to Utah to meet Jason in my awesome SLK350. It was a cool experience but I was asleep because my focus was on the efficacy of the alchemy and the science, actually it was more still on the question of what is the extent of possibility I brought this book called Hands of Light and was studying it, Reiki, chakra type stuff. I don't know if it was self importance like I'm the only one that gets it. Peter point blank told me it's all BS, I mean I feel so much has been meant to get me to realize the difference between BS and what works. It's weird though because alchemy and all these products do work, but what they do is not the super healing, the way they work is to reveal the fake side of spirituality like holy water and miracles that aren't in the form of earnest human action and deep scrutiny. The fake stuff is the stuff that gets you isolated and self absorbed and holier than thou and rapacious to be honest. It worries me because livelihood and all that, it worries me to be honest, like, I'm REALLY no saint, I feel like I can recognize who the real saints are, maybe by being honest I can take a step in the right direction. Money aversion, right? I feel like I was born, things are great, devotion, care, humanity, then ambition and money ruin everything, maybe put some superstition in there as well. I remember many years ago I ordered healing work or something from Jason and it'd just be like, the silence, and I'd be like, really? Back then in like, an angry, oh man what am I doing, I should say something way.

What is a miracle? Something that actually helps people, but waking up does help people, in limbo again. Yet, the foundation of my very being seems to be rooted in ambition rather than gratitude and appreciation. That seems to mess things up because I just always want more I'm lying in wait for more waiting for an opportunity waiting for the dream to come true waiting for Morpheus or Trinity to come get me. Yet this line of thought, is like, extreme DIY, rely on no one. The feeling that now we have the internet and we can learn everything ourselves on it. On the other hand, maybe I can't do anything myself, and then between, in the middle, collaboration and responsibility seems like the answer. I hate to admit that I'm naive and lazy but I am. And I draw up this idea of overconsumption and frugality to justify my laziness. Something that does feel true is that everything is natural, every adaptation and action and horror is natural. The exercise of power and the surrendering and physical/mental powerlessness. But I don't want to surrender. That's why I want to be an accomplice, I want to help wake people up. I want things to be fair. I dont want people to be intentionally kept sick and stupid. Yet, the more you want, the poorer you'll be, the more you unconsciously consume, the sicker you'll be, and the more you indulge in hobbies, the stupider you'll be. I recently disenchanted my Hearthstone card collection for like the 4th time, and bounced back and made another free to play account, just yesterday reinstalled League of Legends. I mean, I want to be more. Those little silent thoughts of wanting to farm and do it really well, master nature. Wake people up purely by example, but then I think of how dangerous that is, to be the ideal is dangerous. To be a real leader and face everything. Patience, conscious desire, but, will it just manifest or do I have to directly go to people? Is this post enough? To be empty, to stop needing to be pushed in a direction. To not need to know before you try. To stop believing and know something for once, to really know something. To be open to scrutiny, but how I crave genuine scrutiny, not projection and admonition for its own sake.

Deep down, this dream of being megarich and providing, but, maybe attention and learning should be the dream. Attention to lifeforms and the mechanics of them, appreciation of what is, and linearity and time, the resilience too

I care about y'all, I'm grateful, man, to be intimate without bulldozing and oversharing, to be intimate without being self-centered, tightrope

I care about you/us/me Calvin. In Lak'ech - I am another yourself.

Here are some thoughts that perhaps you might appreciate...
A good farmer understands that nature is her master and surrenders to its non-predictability. How water flows within and without the forms desired for harvest. How the biome, viome and mycome spring to life when activated by water and the flow of subtle forces to symbiotically exchange energy with their 'host'/ward and to compose most of that creature's being. How most of what is seen is composed of unseen forces that can never be controlled and are futile to judge. A good farmer appreciates the life force inherent as a seed's potential and in the decay of a crop that has run its course but whose death helps assure fertile soil for the next crop.

It's all beautiful. Like you.

=i=

Hello everyone, I see by the dates on the posts that they are some time ago and that as a newbie I feel not just a little self conscious.  Calvin you welcomed me here thank you for your acknowledgement and thank you for the honesty you show in your story.  I have had similar battles with myself about wanting to provide and feeling responsible for just about all things in my story which in some way I know I am.  However I still drop into feeling like a victim and wanting to blame but these things don’t last as long anymore, I have the internal prompts to jump out of those places now which is good, however it has taken years for me to achieve.

I was born in what is now Zimbabwe and my parents moved back to South Africa when I was a baby so I have no recollection of then.  My childhood was free and mostly good I had a couple of not so good experiences as a small child my memory is vague about most of it but I accept it as part of my story.  I remember as a little girl on the way back from school I was met by two young adults who befriended me and spoke to me in a very grown up way.  I don’t recall all they told me but I have a sense that I had a visitation of some kind and was prepared for something later in life.  I forgot all about this until I was much older and had my first awakening.

My family 5 Brothers and 3 sisters meant that we had feast and famine throughout our lives.  My parents were constantly at odds with each other and I was kind of like a catalyst when the family split up.  I had a lot of psychic activity around me but I didn’t know back then what it was.  I knew at the age of 12 that my mother was having an affair and told my mother to stop or I would have to tell dad.  She did not but he found out anyway and beat her badly I was scared and asked her to tell the truth (always a big thing for me that people be truthful) and this meant my father realising that I knew and he felt betrayed by me that I had not told him.  I was torn and when the family split I felt the guilt and responsibility of this for many years into my adulthood.   I had lived my life with underlying guilt of anything that went wrong in my presence like I was in some way responsible.  I saw much later how ridiculous that was but the imprint was deep and can still cause me discomfort at times now.

I came to the UK when my family split and my mother sent one younger brother and sister with me to join our father here and I became substitute wife/mother to my younger siblings.  My father mentally and physically abused me for about 4 years before I finally stood up to him and told him one of us would die if he continued as I couldn’t take it anymore that was true lay how I felt at that point.

I suffered deeply in the following years trying to make head or tail of why my life was as it was.  I had a child not married at 20.  Met and married a man had three children with him left him afte 12 years because I knew it was not for me marriage and partnership felt wrong for me, I am much better suited to being on my own.

I had my first look into things around three years before I left my ex.  I started with the Runes and used these to determine my unfolding for a few years, I got caught up later on in the Lightworker Movement but felt it was a cul de sac after a few years and during that time I was doing healing and with no training guidance except from Jesus,  I had a lady burst into the hall and demand in who’s name I was healing and stood over be with such a barrage of abuse I decided to go get some training.  That led to many interesting people along the way.  I wound up at one point working in the Chalice Wells Garden shop for 18 months and got very involved with ritual and ceremony, but I felt I could see through al lot of what I saw as pretentious people and egos so I left.

i have been working as a live in Carer for many years now and I have to be honest and say I do not enjoy my job and feel bad about that.  Part of me feels I should be approaching the whole thing with a much more compassionate approach but I feel very detached yet at the same time empathic of their plight.  Odd combo really.

A few days ago I made a strong intent to move forward or whatever it is we do in terms of unfolding, and while tidying up I saw an old ring an put it on. I have not worn any jewellery for many years so this was interesting to just find I had unconsciously picked it up and kept it on.  I bought it many years ago in Glastonbury at the shop I worked in.  It’s stone is deep dark green and I cannot recall the name of it but I suddenly recalled that actually the stone was initially bought so that I could find my purpose in life!  I was on the you tube channel and saw a comment someone had left suggesting people check out this website so I followed the link and here I am.  At this point I have been reading through what pages I come across and to say looks at this one and felt it was time to dive in and say hi to you all.  didn’t mean to ramble so long without really much of my history in there but it’s an outline for now.  Thank you all for being here.

Good morning Patricia. Thank you for sharing some of your story with us. I feel it is important to remember that we all do have a story, and it is part of who we are. Some times talking about it and letting go helps to bring into our lives new opportunities for gathering knowledge and helps us to realize that we are so much more than our past. Letting go seems to give one more "space" within for  new experiences. Welcome sister.

Hi Patricia, Yes, thank you for sharing some of your story. It is clear you are a brave person who is questing for truth. Brace yourself as you read through these pages as you may find some of the content may shatter your possibly previously-held beliefs about the world, but if you stay open minded and stick with it, you will come out the other side with a much broader and grounded understanding of yourself, your 'mission', and a greater love and compassion for this world and its life forms than even before. Feel free to ask questions. We are here for you. =i= Molly

Hey Patricia! 

Thank you for your open heart in sharing your story here. It's wonderful to meet you and we hope that the information here and our tools can be helpful to you on your journey. It has been that way for many of us here. Welcome. 

Peace flowing to you,

Mary

Thanks to all for responding and warmly welcoming and encouraging me .  I am happy to be amongst you all and looking forward to learning.

In peace and love

Patricia

Mary Betts said:

Hey Patricia! 

Thank you for your open heart in sharing your story here. It's wonderful to meet you and we hope that the information here and our tools can be helpful to you on your journey. It has been that way for many of us here. Welcome. 

Peace flowing to you,

Mary

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